What Karmelo Anthony Taught Us About Foundation, Identity, and How We Show Up for Young People

“Focus on what you can control, not what is out of your control.”

I developed a method and framework - R.O.O.F. and L.P.T.R. (Listen, Pause, Think, Respond)- and I believe in both deeply, especially in moments like the verdict regarding Karmelo Anthony. To me, the entire story is sad. Nobody won. Nobody wins. The parents, as well as their community, are crushed. That is my feeling about that.

Now, why does the L.P.T.R. method work well here, and why is the R.O.O.F. Framework a great way to approach tragic or challenging situations like this? Let me break it down for you by the letter. Instead of getting angry, focus on things you can control.

Resilience

When something tragic happens, or something unforeseen happens, sure, we might fall down,  take a minute to breathe, but we have to keep going. We need to find ways to redirect our focus on something we can control, not the things we can't, and we also need to know the difference. Too many of us, especially now, have lost control. It happens so fast — BOOM! We become a victim of narratives that are placed in our minds, and the worst one yet is what we tell ourselves. You know that false story we tell ourselves about what, who, and how we are. Sheesh, this is the worst.

Karmelo Anthony is 17 years old. Whatever your opinion on the verdict is, that young man's life changed forever in that one moment. His family, the Metcalf family, everyone connected to this, they all have to find a way to keep going. That's resilience tested at its most extreme level.

Openness

I think too many of us have minds not open enough to accept other perspectives. My first question is why? How are you always right? Being open-minded is actually being a student, and a student is a learner. Once you stop learning, you stop growing.

I am an educator, and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not learning from students, all of them much younger than me, but you'd be surprised how much they teach me. Not only do I learn about their needs, but they also teach me a lot about myself, how to adjust, how to listen, how to pause, how to think fast, and of course how to respond. L.P.T.R. They taught me this. That's how I stay open to new ideas and know what to change.

How many of us heard about the Karmelo Anthony case and immediately formed an opinion before knowing all the facts? That's the opposite of openness. Being open means sitting with discomfort long enough to ask, what don't I know yet?

Ownership

What is it that you actually own? None of us own the laws. We don't own people. We don't own our thoughts, not often enough, nor do we own our opinions. The very things that have a great influence on us own our minds and ultimately our opinions. "Pause" and "Think" about that for a second.

I think that's a big problem, or so I have noticed. We own our bodies and therefore our actions along with them; focus on that and the fact that you can stay in control. Yes, it is hard to do. Even now I am still challenged with it, but I am also someone who makes sure I follow my own methods, which seems to help keep me grounded. I developed them for you to try and use too. Take a look at my quotes; I encourage you to write some down, repeat them, and keep them stored in your mind for challenging times. Take back ownership of your mind. Trust me, words help, or they really hurt.

Whatever happened that day, one thing is true for all of us watching from the outside. We own our response. We own whether we pour more anger into the world or whether we pause long enough to think before we act.

Foundation

Now what keeps you grounded? Where is your starting point when you begin anything, whether that be your day, the things you do that make you, you? Do you even know? Before you answer that, whether yes or no, that will tell you a lot about your foundation.

We all have core qualities and traits that enable us to put forth our very best work. The kind of work that gets us out of bed, the feeling of excitement, the very thing you're looking forward to that is your foundation. “Your foundation is a collection of experiences that drive you, yielding the most positive outcomes while pulling out the best version of you with little effort.” Getting to know this takes time and requires you to study your own habits and behaviors, take notes, and jot them down. Start there.

Think of it this way: the foundation at the bottom of a house begins underneath the floor, which holds up the floor. Without it, we have a pretty good idea what would happen to the house. You guessed it: it would fall down. That is pretty much what happens to us when we don't have our core structure in place. I call this “Mental Homelessness”, a state of mind where you're constantly searching outside yourself for something that can only be built within. My book Home Away From Home was written specifically about this journey.  Read it. I wrote it for you.

When a community is shaken by something like this verdict, what holds people together? Foundation. The shared values, the culture, the belief system that says we keep going even when the outcome wasn't what we wanted.

Right now we have a lot of angry, upset people over a verdict none of us had control over, for a situation most of us weren't there to witness. I don't even know what happened. I got the story like everyone else. I am the kind of person who doesn't speak on things I didn't see or don't know for a fact. I need facts because, as an educator, I primarily speak on facts and experiences I have encountered.

The media does a fabulous job of putting narratives in our minds, gaining control before we even had a chance to think for ourselves. I am not telling you not to have an opinion; I am saying that before formulating one, try using my method and framework first, then give it another go. I am not telling you what to think. I am saying think for yourself, logically, without the influence of media buzzing throughout your timeline. Take back control. Focus on what you can control. And one thing I know for sure is that peace comes from accepting that the outcomes of a great majority of situations are outside of our hands. Knowing that gives me peace of mind

That is what will give you peace too. Try it.

Roof Sweatte is a Cultural Architect, published author, and founder of IamRoof LLC. Learn more at www.iamroof.com 

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